I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
