he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
