im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
