sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
