Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
