after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
