the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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