can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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