My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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