My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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