$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
