i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
