ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish i was in the wii world.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
