i think i have herpe
just one?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
