i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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