New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
