Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We got so high we made milksteak
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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