That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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