I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
