i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
