All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
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