ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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