2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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