I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Green mimosas i think yes
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
