Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
