You can't motorboat a personality
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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