i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
