I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
