OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
