I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
