What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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