I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
