Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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