the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
