I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
