We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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