i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
