Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
