ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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