my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
In America we eat man semen.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
