I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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