Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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