Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
