i can't believe i had my finger in that
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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