Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
