best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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