The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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