Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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