god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
