Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
