No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
