The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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