I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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