JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
