How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
